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Dragging

Life can be exhausting as if you didn’t know. We constantly get pounded by events and circumstances which wear us down, deflate us, demoralize us, and just make us totally cranky. Sometimes we have to wonder why we even go on, especially given the negativity of the country these days.

So it is, so it was last week when I missed my deadline for an updated home page and new blog entry. I wanted to give up, to say the heck with it, to just forget about the whole thing. Then something happened: I decided to keep going.

Yes I missed my updates, yes I got pounded by life, yes I had commitments that taxed my very soul, and yes I got extremely tired. Giving up would have been so easy… and so cowardly. When I started this experiment last year I knew I could be in for some tough times. I knew that there would be days which would not agree with me and I accepted the premise. But knowing and experiencing are two completely different things.

I think, no I know what keeps me going is the fact that I have always given up when the going got tough. I felt like I was a failure when just the tiniest element surfaced to make my going tough. And I did it without fail. One little bump in the road is all it took to surrender to failure.

Now, however, things are different for I have made a commitment to myself to be more than I ever thought I could be. And let me tell you something it is hard as hell to maintain that commitment. Some days it just doesn’t seem worth it as I still have nothing to show for my efforts. I’m not making a dime off this website, I still live from paycheck-to-paycheck, and nothing seems to change. But I could not be more wrong, something has changed – me. And I have changed a lot.

Nobody ever said success was going to be easy, yet many people, me included always assumed that it would be. Why I made that assumption I have no idea but I know what the results of that assumption is and they are not pretty. This is why I decided to change my life. I got so tired of living the way others wanted me to, I got so tired of listening to those who pretended to have my best interest at heart, and I got so tired of living below my own expectations that I finally woke up to the disaster my life has become. I became fed-up with everything, especially my own self-delusions.

I let my own self-absorption destroy the time I could have used to make my life really count for something. I became so self-delusional with my own superiority that I never listened to anybody who could have honestly helped me. Now that time is gone, and I can never get it back. Years have been wasted because I was so… Now I pay the price that my egotism created.

Time is a precious commodity which can never be saved or replaced. Once time is gone it is gone forever. As young skulls full of conceit we think that we have all the time in the world, not realizing just how fragile time can be, and how foolish we are to waste it. And the key: There is no reset button on life.

I have never succeeded because I kept dragging myself downward never upward. I kept thinking that I always had tomorrow to get things done. Well, guess what, tomorrow is here and it is today. Now, now that I am in the twilight years of my life I look back, back to how things were and what actions I did not take. But then I realize something else, I don’t look back with a woulda, coulda, shoulda mentality instead I find myself looking back with “I remember when I didn't do that so I better do that now,” mind-set.

This is a change of attitude I never had before and I find it very liberating. For now I look at my current situation as a challenge and not a wish. I have discovered that wishes alone, by themselves never come true UNLESS, and this is a very big unless, those wishes are backed up with a plan of action, a commitment to their fulfillment, and good old fashion work.

I know that I am going to make my goal. I know that I am going to succeed because I also learned another little secret: Money is NOT evil. Money is good because with money you can help someone. With money you can create jobs for people. With money you can change the world! But… our political elites don’t want you to have money or success because if you did you might not re-elect your congress critter back into office. And that is something a congress critter cannot allow to happen. So misery and despair are the order of the day, and it is called compassion.

And just to prove how much the political elites care for you they promise to feed you. Today’s soup special served by your trusted congress critter: Salty water mixed with green grass. Yummy. Why with this type of free soup, served up by liberal elites, who could ask for more? The sad fact is most people settle on the salty, grassy soup when in reality they could be feasting on real food. Such is their mentality, such is their hope. And most of it is brought to you courtesy of your local congress elitist.

Today almost half the country depends upon congress critters for some kind of handout and this is shame. It is a shame because these people allow themselves to become the tools, and fools, of today’s political elite. The people are so much more if they only have the courage to believe in themselves and their abilities. This is the lesson I learned almost too late in life.

Today’s elitist politician relies upon the weak-minded to make them feel needed and necessary. These politicians rely upon policies which destroy personal initiative and self-reliance. They rely upon an education system which keeps people ignorant and unemployable. But most of all they rely upon these type people to keep them in positions of power to control the rest of the population, destroy freedom, and establish themselves as kings and queens.

But I chose differently, for finally now in the twilight of my years I decided to create my own life on my own terms. I have decided I want to be rich so that I can help throw out the current crop of politicians which are trying to destroy the founding principles of this country. Our form of government is unique and very precious, but the current crop of political elites have decided to change it, into their own image.

Yes there is life to contend with, challenges to face and overcome, and I have to face and overcome the demons of my own past. I have to accept all these things because this is the world I created for myself, but the one thing I don’t have to accept is the voice of an elitist politician telling me that in order to survive and be happy I must rely upon the government. No thanks. Because if I have to rely on a political elite to be happy than I become part of the problem, not the solution.

But the bottom line is simple: in my past I failed to live up to my expectations. No one forced me to make the decisions I made, I was completely responsible for my own inactions. Politicians aside, our lives belong to each of us. I dragged myself down because I was arrogant enough that I thought I knew it all and nobody could tell me any different. I can't blame politicians for any of that, but I can blame them for pushing class envy and establishing policies which make success both evil and undesirable to people. Don't fall into that trap because a politicians lust for power demands policies and lies to keep you down and stupid. You know, compassion.

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